If you wanna be my lover...

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta sing duets with me… and let me be the girl… and say I have the best voice ever- better than the original leading lady of the song.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta have bigger thighs than me- especially when we sit down next to each other.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta watch cartoons with me- specifically Disney.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta read books with me- I’m not asking you to pick up Twilight, but maybe just maybe Harry Potter?

If you wanna be my lover….

You gotta kill all spiders, even the small ones because they are huge to me.

If you wanna be my lover….

You gotta understand that “I can’t be tamed!”

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta remember butterflies don’t just have to happen in the beginning, but they should be a constant. A law if you must, like gravity.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta dream with me- and dream big.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta be honest- do not lie, do not fib- Exception to this rule is if you have to lie to surprise me with a really awesome life changing gift but that is the ONLY time. Other than that I want the truth! Trust, I can handle it.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta take the bad with the good- I am only human.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta eat with me… I am hungry, aaaalllll tttthhhheee tttttiiimmmmeee.

If you wanna be my lover…

You gotta wipe away my tears, even the foolish ones that fall for reasons that don’t make sense.

If you wanna be my lover…

Please don’t “get with” my friends- just get them. They are crazy, eccentric, odd, weird, beautiful and perfect the way they are- and they are my friends for a reason.

If you wanna be my lover…

Be a man. Be a lover, a fighter, a best friend. Be a place of solace, a home, a comfort. Be my companion, my partner in crime- fight battles with me, take on the world and face even the darkest of times with me. Stand by my side and hold my hand whenever I reach out. Love unconditionally, forgive not only me but everyone. Stand for morals and justice. Respect yourself, respect others, respect me. Be a man of God, be a man of dreams. Set a fire in my heart.

Onions have layers.

Onions. They have layers. They make me cry. They add flavor to life. Onions.

Onions is going to be my random symbol for emotions.

Emotions. They have layers. They make me cry. They add flavors to life. Emotions.

You know how you have to peel an onion, each layer, to get to the heart of the matter? To see where the whole thing stems from? You have to do that with emotions too.

I had a break through this evening. You know how in cartoons that light bulb just magically clicks on when someone makes a connection or has an idea? Pretty sure mine turned on and was as bright as a spot light shining down from a UFO.

The thing that baffles me the most is I had no idea that a certain, particular situation that deals with a certain, particular person -who must not be named for the sake of making sure he/she is not disliked (more than they already are) for their mistakes/actions/wrong doings towards myself- is in fact the stem, the deepest layer if you will, for some of my current feelings on situations that are going on my life right now.

This past situation has done more damage than I thought and I guess I have more healing to do. My faith in people has dwindled a bit this past year- and unfortunately I have become defensive, layered, closed off emotionally to those who I care the most for. I have also started to take things personally, and at first I wasn't able to figure out why the hell I was being so darn sensitive. BUT once i peeled back the layer a little bit of the onion I call my soul, I have realized that it stems from the fact that I have not fully healed from the past 8 months.

I am sure the more layers I peel, the more realizations will come and most likely tears too... but hey at least my onion of emotion adds flavor to my life right?

So now what? What do I do with this new found knowledge? Especially when its not new, its old and is like a disease. Keeps poppin up in different areas, different forms. I wish there was a pill I could get to heal this, but I think the medicine is going to be simple. Forgiveness, love and faith.

So you think you're lonely, well my friend I'm lonely too.

I find it odd how a person can be surrounded by so many loving people and still feel alone.

I especially find it odd when I am experiencing this. Don't get me wrong, my friends are amazing and I am so thankful for each one.

I don't know what it is- maybe its homesickness. The desperate desire I have to see my mom and laugh with her over coffee at 6:30A while every one is trying to get ready for their day. Maybe I just miss the cool feeling of the rain on my skin as I run from my car to my house trying not to get my hair wet- heaven forbid I wear it straight with the humidity. Maybe its the long talks with friends who have known me for years- who have been there through the best and worst of times.

Maybe its not all of that- maybe its the fact that life is different for everyone - we all experience different things- the good, the bad and the ugly. But some things, no matter how close you are with people, no one can relate too.

But everything that happens, happens for a reason- or so I have been told since I can remember. I believe that statement 100%, but sometimes I can't help but wonder "okay God when is this reason going to appear?" Well, He works in mysterious ways- and I lack the virtue known as patience. :)

But then something happens that makes me think twice. A life that has yet to really begin has already experienced the same things I have, and albeit they are not the same situation, they are similar. I wish I could some how reach out and say "No matter what, you are a gift and its all going to be okay. Its alright to feel a little lost sometimes, that's normal- but you will find your way."

I wish someone who has been through it all told me that, I wish someone would tell me that. Until then, I will just keep telling myself.

Rat squirrels, prehistoric bugs and beautiful Red Rocks! Oh my!

Well, I have officially "roughed it" (in my mind) when it comes to camping. Last weekend I went with some very good friends to Zion National Park to hike around the beautiful Red Rocks. It was definately beautiful, and definately an experience.

Being the frugal person that I am, when my friend Robbie informed me that the other people we were going with knew of a "free" campsite- I was all in! Little did I know this "free" campsite had no bathrooms, no showers but had a whole lot of red dirt and ants... lots of ants... to the point where I had a flash back of a Disney short cartoon where things get carried away by ants at one of Mickey's picnics.

The hiking was AMAZING- no denying that. The heat was unbelievable, but some how I survived... I drank my entire 100 oz. Camel Pack and didn't have to pee- partially because all the water left my body in the form of sweat... Sexy? You know it.

However, while hiking I realized a few things I did not like.

1. Shirtless men running down steep hills towards me as I was trying to hike up this steep hill. Who in their right mind does that? Not only was the image terrifying, but the sound of their feet pounding on the ground caused me to have a mild heart attack. Now I know how Simba felt when he was stuck in that canyon at the stampede came rushing towards him... RIP Mufasa.
2. Squirrels and Chipmunks freak me out. Now, chipmunks are cute when they are cartoons and their day job is being rescue rangers- but in real life, they are demons. And their friends, the squirrels? They are FAT demons... These weren't even squirrels, they were fat rats and mini cats. They also had NO fear- they would corner me on the path ways, crawl under my legs as I was sitting down and frankly ruining any relaxing moment I had!
3. There were prehistoric bugs down at Zion National Park, and I was caught off guard by two of them. One being a "beetle"- Define beetle. This thing had WINGS and looked more like its mother was a pterodactyl. The second bug was a bee- not just any bee but an elephant bee. It was HUGE and the buzz made it sound like I was being attacked from above even though it was below- yes that is how large said bee was. I didn't even know bugs like that existed, I thought they died in The Great Flood, but apparently God told Noah to take those things along for the ride!
4. Sleeping in a tent while its 90 degrees outside... Hot, sweaty, sticky and not in a good way. Normally I don't think it would have been bad, but there was no breeze... Stuffy? You betcha. Did I want to sleep naked? Yes. Did I? No. Why you may ask? Well besides the fact that I was sharing a tent with friends, I feared that I would be attacked by ants and carried off into the wild, naked. So I kept clothes on just in case I was carried out into the wild, I would not be embarrassed by my nudity.

Overall the trip was great and amazing! I would totally go again in the fall or spring when its not so hot- and I would stay in an area with showers. And if some one asks me to go again before the summer is over, I am going to suggest driving an extra hour and hiking the mysterious trails of Las Vegas- I hear the hike up Ceasar's Palace is AMAZING :)

Get out there and experience the world a little bit- its good for the soul.

If ya hear me girls, raise your hand!

• This post is dedicated to all my girlfriends with special attention to my three favorite ladies who have been there for me through thick and thin. Without them, I would not be who I am today. Their unconditional love and understanding has been both an inspiration and necessity in my life. Thank you for all that you do, all that you are and all that you will be. I love you all!

• Now... This post is also inspired by the so called "men" who come in and out of our lives and think they can just walk all over us... For the record, ya can't. Dating is hard- you don't need Dr. Phil to tell you that. It doesn't get any easier when all you have is a life full of frogs- or frogs who you think are princes but then suddenly POOF back into Toads (who are worse than frogs... they are frogs that are liars!) However, I guess I owe all of the boys a bit of gratitude. Without you I would not have some of the best and most hilarious stories of my life. Without you I wouldn't get to have my girls nights with buckets of coronas... Without you I wouldn't know what I want in my life and would probably continue to settle for guys like... well... you. So a big thanks to all of you out there who we have crush on, liked, loved, dated or are about to- But I don't really need to say any more because I think the following lyrics will explain it all.

• Special Note: I may or may not have revamped a certain area... to make it more personal.

Here's To Finding A Good Man- By Danielle Peck

Here's to finding a good man

Got a bucket of Corona,

Enough stories to last all night,

About the trials and tribulations,

Of findin' Mr. Right

Of findin' a good man.

Here's to the liars and the cheaters

And the cold mistreaters

To the mama's boys who can't make a stand.

Here's to the superficial players

The I love you too-soon sayers

if you hear me girls raise your hand

Let's have a toast,

Here's to findin' a good man!

Blind dates and horror stories

Pushy guys and fast movers

Let's dedicate this girl's night out

To big talkers, bad losers

It's so hard findin' a good man.

Here's to the liars and the cheaters

And the cold mistreaters

To the mama's boys who can't make a stand

Here's to the superficial players

The I love you too-soon sayers

If you hear me girls raise your hand

Let's have a toast

Here's to findin' a good man.

Allie, I know you want perfection.

Megz, you wanna listener.

Malia, your list is gettin' long

And girls, you know ME, I just want a good kisser.

Here's to the liars and the cheaters

And the cold mistreaters

To the mam's boys who can't make a stand

Here's to the superficial platers

The I love you too-soon sayers

If you hear me girls raise your hand

Let's have a toast

Here's to findin' a good man!

Please Deposit .05 cents into the jar...

Ahhh the joys of The Peanuts. Such a timeless cartoon that has lasted generations. One of my favorite moments during the holiday season is when my family all gathers around the TV to watch ABC's special of Charlie Brown's Christmas. And nothing brings a smile to my face like Snoopy doing his little dance- why can't we all dance like that dog?

Lately, I have felt like Lucy behind this booth. I find happiness in the fact that friends and family value my opinion. But the thing that I enjoy the most is that they trust me enough to come and seek advice or shelter from whatever it is they are facing. Knowing that others have faith in me and feel a sense of security with me is the greatest payment I could ever receive.

This has got me thinking though- if people are coming to me for advice, I should be trying twice as hard to make sure I practice what I preach. I need to make sure that I am leading by example and that my life is something I am proud of.

Lately I have been saying that relationships (romantic, friend, family, owner/dog etc.)have a hard time working out if one or both of the people don't love themselves. I think a person needs to love themselves and the life they have been given- and when they do others will love them too. So I am doing just that... I am doing what I want and trying to find happiness within myself. I am surrounding myself with people who are positive and encouraging! Its been a great change and I am very happy with the results. Immersing myself with people that love me for my mistakes and all has done nothing but relieve me of pressure that I didn't even know I had!Its been nothing but amazing and such a comfort.

So I will leave you with some very good advice! It only cost me .05 cents! :)

" All you really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."- Lucy Van Pelt, The Peanuts

Love often people, but most of all love yourself.

Jenna Burnam and The Deathly Spider

Yesterday morning was painful to say the least. The alarm on my phone went off too soon and it felt like I just laid my head down upon my pillow to fall asleep. I rolled myself out of bed, cursing work under my breath, and drug my sleepy self to the shower.

This is a very normal routine for me. Wake up, damn the work world, stumble towards the shower half blind and turn on the water. Little did I know my routine would be changed drastically and I would forever be scarred by the events of that morning.

I was performing the typical rinse, lather and repeat motions when something caught the corner of my eye. Through the pouring water from the shower head I looked to my right and saw what looked like the hand of Satan himself- or Freddy Krueger's fingers (To-MAE-to, To-MAH-to). There it was, between the shower curtain and the clear plastic curtain that helps block the water from pouring out into the bathroom, the biggest spider I have seen since living in Utah. Now to make matters worse, the thing was definitely alive and crawling down towards the bottom of the curtain...

*NOTE* it is a well known fact that I HATE things with more than four legs, or things with tales as long as their bodies (i.e. rats)... now I especially hate it when these alleged creatures start to move with all their legs- it makes me want to to throw up.

So what did I do? Scream? Damn right I did. Try to smack it? Seemed like the right thing to do- WRONG. The crazy demon ran down faster than a bat out of hell (with its eight... 8... ocho... legs) and started to attack! Quickly I moved out of the shower without the greatest of ease- okay I will admit, I practically fell out causing water to go everywhere. In a panic I ran into my room, soaking every place I stepped.

Since I feared for my life, I did not venture back to the area of the shower... but my roommate did. I heard her say "ohhhhh there is a huge spider right there!" I quickly threw my brown havianna flip flop at her (just one...) and ran for it! Now, what really happened during that time, I will never know because I was out in the living room having an asthma attack.

Do we know if The Dark Lord is dead? No. There has been no sign of He Who Shall Not Be Named, but that doesn't mean he isn't off gathering an army of eight legged demons to come and seek revenge for our attack....

I am currently processing my will because I know I will not survive this battle...

Peace be with you.